The Anger Room: A Parts Work Strategy for the Holidays
How creating a space for your anger can help you cope with being around people you don't really want to be around
We’re all made of parts. Parts are emotions towards yourself, others or particular situations. A part of you may, for example fell annoyed, another part could feel confused, yet another may feel intimidated towards one person. A parent, a friend, a coworker—anyone can activate a part. And during the holidays, those parts tend to show up louder and quicker.
One part I especially love working with is the angry part. Not because it’s easy—because it’s honest. Anger wants you to have boundaries. It wants you to say no. It wants you to stop abandoning yourself. But sometimes that angry part is carrying so much that it needs a safe place to let off steam before you can hear what it’s trying to tell you.
I learned a powerful strategy for this from Robyn Shapiro during ego state training: the Anger Room.
At the time, I had a very angry part—more of a social-justice, what-the-actual-hell-is-wrong-with-the-world part. Robyn asked me to visualize a room that was completely soundproof and emotion-proof, meaning nothing leaked outside—not sound, not energy, not emotion. The room could look like anything. I chose a padded room (I’ve always secretly wanted to work in a psych hospital).
Inside that room, my angry part had 3 full minutes to say and do whatever it needed. And it did. I howled internally, collapsed on the floor, slammed my fists, punched the walls, and even turned into a Tasmanian devil—a tiny black tornado spinning around the room. After three minutes, Robyn stopped the exercise. And I felt so much better. Clearer. Grounded. Like something heavy had shifted.
If you want to try this practice, here’s how:
How to Do the Anger Room Exercise
- Locate your angry part.
Notice where it sits in your body. What does it look or feel like? What does it want you to know? - Create the room.
Visualize a completely soundproof, emotion-proof space. Nothing gets out.
It can be:
– grandma’s house
– a drum practice room
– a padded psych ward room
– a rage room
– literally anything - Set a timer for 3 minutes.
In this exercise, each minute represents an hour. Your angry part gets “three hours” inside this room. - Let your part loose.
Inside the room, let your angry part do whatever it needs: yell, cry, smash imaginary objects, stomp, spin, flail. Your job is to observe, not interfere. - Check in afterward.
Let your part come out of the room. Ask it how it feels. What shifted? What does it need now? - Ground yourself.
Do some breathing, stretching, or a calm-place visualization to come fully back into your body.
This is a simple exercise, but incredibly effective for people who carry anger that’s been silenced, shamed, or pushed aside. Especially during the holiday season, when old roles and old wounds tend to flare, having a safe internal place for anger to release can make all the difference.
Your angry part isn’t the problem.
It’s the protector.
Let it be heard—safely—and it will help you come back to yourself.
